“If you mess up, it’s not other’s fault”

The quote actually was “If you mess up, it’s not your parent’s fault”, from “Bill Gates’s 11 rules you never learn from school”,  click here to see more.    I tweaked it a bit, cos it’s not just right to new graduate, but also to us for self-reflection.

BTW, the quote was “If you mess up, it’s not your parent’s fault.  Stop spreading the blame around and take responsibility for your failures”.

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Parent is a heart and wisdom journey

Advance or retreat

Many times in life, not just parents, we should know how to advance and retreat.

In a relationship of parent-child, we should know when and how to let go.  Our child is not our lifetime possession.

A real story of a retired mom of 57.

http://www.cocomy.net/post/359819?r=7454380

If you can’t read Chinese, google translate it.  It worths your time.

See more stories at http://www.cheerbox.com.hk

What teenagers want most from parents? Here top 10 ideas from teenagers.

teenagers

If you find tension between you and teenager son or daughter that make it difficult to keep the relationship as in the past, here it is a list of top 10 teenagers choices from a small survey to a group of teenagers and young adults who gave their answers to “what you would like your parents to do for you…”

Top 1 – Listening.  Pay attention to what the teenager said.  No judgement.

It’s winner of everything.  It basically applies to every relationship in adulthood as well.  If you can just listening, without response or giving out your “advice” too much, you may likely gain the trust from the teenagers to talk to you more and frequently.

Top 2 – Give freedom.  Let them do what they want.

Again, teenagers are eager to be treated as grown up, making their choices, meeting someone they like, listening to their own music.  So, allowing them to be in charge of their own is a sign of trust.  Here it’s what a young adult recalled the situation.

“Unless you have a real reason, there is no need to helicopter parent your teen. In fact, making your own mistakes is a huge part of growing up. I’m certainly not suggesting letting your teen sneak into bars, but it’s a normal part of teenage life for them to go to a party or on a date. Worried? First, calm yourself. Then, tell your teen that you know you are over-worried, but you need a little reassurance from them. Sit down and ask some questions about their plans, to be sure your concerns are met. (“Will there be adult supervision? What will you do if other kids are drinking or smoking marijuana? What will you do if you feel like you’re in over your head and you want me to pick you up, no punishment no matter what?”)


Top 3 – Be a sounding board – as listener, ask good questions, leave them to think their solution.

One level up, most teenagers value suggestions, inspiring questions, different angles to tackle their own questions or issues.  Key words are “let them think their own solutions”.  Again, no one wants to be told to do things.

Other things that teenagers want most from their parents:

Top 4 – Work out or exercise together

Top 5 – Don’t compare to siblings/cousins/friends

Top 6 – Simply ask how the day was, everyday

Top 7 – Have fun, try new things together

Top 8 – Give hug (if don’t want hugs, give foot massage)

Top 9 – Show up to events/activities to give support (but don’t embarrass them)

Top 10 – Give unconditional love.  Remind them how special they are

Following is the article giving good reference.

http://www.ahaparenting.com/ages-stages/teenagers/tips-bond-close-teen

See other inspiring articles, please visit http://www.cheerbox.com.hk

If you would like to give a questionnaire to your son/daughter for participations to this survey, please email to kitty.wong@cheerbox.com.hk .

Do you know what parents of successful kids do?

inspiration-for-parents

You don’t have to agree with all the research findings.  But here it is the commonalities of those parents of successful kids.  It’s never be too late to learn from others and use your best way to improve parenting skill.

1/  Ask kids to do chores – be responsible and play a part of the whole (family or company in future)

2/  Teach their kids social skills – train the communications skill and meet with strangers

3/  They have high expectation – self-fulfilling prophecy

4/  They have attend higher educational levels – raise the kids as they did

5/  They develop a relationship with each other – conflicting parents easily have bad effect on kids

6/  They teach their kids math early on – concept in math also relate to reading achievement

7/  They develop a strong relationship with their kids – give supports to kids to explore the world

8/  They are less stressed – emotion state like stress can transfer to kids.  Stressful “helicopter” parents are affects kids poorly.

9/  They value effort over avoiding failure – a “growth mindset” encourage taking challenges

10/ The moms work – role model set to daughter, and equality on gender

11/ They have a higher socioeconomic status – (may be in America only)

12/ They are authoritative rather than authoritarian or permissive – (research in 1960 – may be too outdated)

13/ They teach grit – it’s about “commitment” and making continuous effort

See the whole article, please click the following link

If you want to get more inspirations for living, please visit http://www.cheerbox.com.hk

 

6 key moments to keep quiet, you will make a big difference

quiet1

Knowing how to hold back and keep quiet at the critical moment, you may create a big different result Talking is a capability. Keep quiet is a wisdom.   In our life, it normally takes 2 years to learn talking, but it takes over decades to learn “not to talk”.  Particularly to those extroverts, they have to take conscious effort to stop talking.


Visit the CheerLife – New Chapter on Cheer Box website


Here are 6 key moments to keep quiet….

1/  when you have asked a question – stop going on with your assumed answers or reasons for asking, on and on.  It shows that you are not asking and not listening.  People don’t care your question.

2/  when you want others to grow – you may be faster and better than others to answer a question or get a job done.  But if you let others, specially your juniors or children, take on the responsibility and answer to question, they will learn to think and grow.  They may surprise you too. 

3/  when you are showing off, not sharing – when you are posting on facebook of your first class travel, luxury dinner, or expensive handbag, it does not feel sharing but feel showing off.   In that case, it’s about time to stop it.  You don’t need to create jealous or envy from others in your life.  

4/  when you are clearly boring people – while you are excitedly talking about your personal interesting stories or special experience, please pay attention to your audience too.    If you see they are bored, please quickly finish your talking.   

5/  when your comments is more about you than the other person – when others are talking about their plan of traveling holidays, dinner to go, the little joys of living, please don’t give out comments in your personal interest or experience that may ruin other’s plan or idea. You may keep the comments to yourself.  Sometimes people just want to share but not asking for advice.      

6/  when in negotiation, your opponent starts debating against itself – in business world, it is clear you have to stop talking in negotiation when your opponents start arguing themselves and weaken their own fight.  But it also applies when the negotiation is with your boyfriend or husband, or even your children.